September 21, 2007
Dearest Jonathan,
Strange for me to think that just over a month ago, I was completely single, unattached. Concerned primarily with, well, myself! Not in a bad way, it was where I was supposed to be. Seeking God's will in my life, enjoying being single, focusing on work, enjoying summer, playing soccer, line dancing, going to the beach, trying to become the best I could be in my present situation. And I did enjoy it. It was a special time for me in life. And I still enjoy all of those things and expect them to continue, to be part of my life (except the part about being single, of course!).
But my whole life has changed since we've been dating. Not so much in activity, but rather, in purpose. For, apart from talking and spending time with you, my day to day activities haven't really changed, and yet, everything seems so different!
I guess it's because I've changed. I'm different, and that's not bad. In fact it's very good! I've chosen this. I want this. I have no regrets. And yet, the fact that I may never be single again is a bit difficult for me to grasp! Really, singleness is all I've ever known! I've never had a boyfriend before! Never been in a real relationship.
Sure, I've had plenty of unhealthy situations and attachments, but, yeah, this is way different. Way better, but completely new territory for me! And realizing all that this relationship is and all that it may one day become is, in a certain sense, very frightening! Not frightening in the sense of an overwhelming fear, but rather, an awe and respectful reverence for the mystery in which we find ourselves. Getting to know one another, discovering one another. Letting ourselves be known to each other. In a sense, being completely naked. And hopefully, as it was in Genesis, "naked without shame".
And that's why I have no desire to hold anything back from you or hide anything from you, as far as it is appropriate to the present state of our relationship.
Jonathan, I wish I could better put into words all my thoughts and feelings. I fell so close to you. I feel united with you. I feel a bond and connection so real that it is not affected by time or distance. Hmm, and to think, this is still the very beginning!
Well, my love, I hope you had a beautiful time in West Virginia. I long to be with you, in such a beautiful place. Someday...
You're in my thoughts and prayers! I'm sending a hug and a kiss (don't worry, it's a very short kiss!)
Yours in Christ,
Love Always,
Maria Therese
PS: Jonathan, I love and respect you with all my heart. After reading the booklet about St. Raphael that I've included, I think you'll understand why I love him so much. I think he brought us together. I've been praying to him - I hope you like the little pocket token of St. Joseph, too! I love you!
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