Whenever things get good it's just a warning to let you know that things are about to get bad again.
Maria and I have been struggling through the whole distance thing and having a new relationship. The last two nights on the phone have been less than fun. We finally worked out what was bothering her by the end of our conversation tonight and she felt good by the time we got off of the phone.
I felt like shit.
I have this issue where even though I know I'm a very likable person and now and then I have enough self esteem to see the value in myself, I spend a lot of my time feeling like I'm not capable of being loved.
Most of my experience in life has shown me that people don't actually love me. They just like me for what I can do for them, and when things get hard they turn their back on me. As far as who I really am as a person? No body gives a damn.
Maybe Maria will be the first person to eventually let me know I'm loved, but right now I feel like she's just riding on emotions. I hope not, I don't know if I can take another heartbreak.
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