I Should Go

I went over to have dinner with my parents and talk about the logistics of actually going. We talked about the house, put together a budget for living as a student, talking about living situations and curriculum, and covered any other details that needed to be covered.

I'm in!

On another note, I came home tonight to find that my old friend Joan had written me. We haven't talked since Good Friday, and when we did talk then it was nothing more than a 'it was nice being friends with you, but we can't be friends anymore, so goodbye' conversation, but without the closure. She left it open as to whether we could be friends again and said she'd get a hold of me when the time was right to talk about it. Well, over two months went by and I had given up all hope of hearing from her. God also used that time to break me from any sort of attachment that I had to her as a friend, which was a necessary step for me to take.

We had been really good friends during the darkest time in my life, about two years ago. We lost touch when she started dating a guy about a year ago and just never got back to being friends afterwards. It was hard because neither of us did anything that hurt the other, she just started dating a guy and we stopped talking. After they broke things off I tried to get a hold of her but she had shut me out. Anyway, her letter wrapped up everything that needed to be wrapped up and I feel really good about getting it. She apologized for any hurt she caused me and let me know that I was always a good friend to her. Hearing that meant a lot.

One of the things I want to do before I leave is write letters to all the people who have made a difference in my life over the last two years. Why two years? I'll cover that topic in a later entry I'm sure. It's a little too big for tonight. Lets just say it involved a girl and me coming back into the Church.

Joan was on the list, so I started with her tonight. I'm going to put it here for my future reference.

Hey Joan,

...So, in other circumstances I would end this email but I want to mention something to you really quickly. I'm actually not going to be in the area for very much longer. Unless God does something drastic in my life I will be starting school at The Franciscan University Of Steubenville this coming fall and going into SocialWork / Psychology. I'm working on selling my house right now and setting up which classes I'll be taking this fall.

I've been praying for the last two years that God would show me what he wants me to do with my life because I never felt that working in a cubicle and programming all day was what I was supposed to be doing. This summer He's been guiding me and through alot of prayer and discernment I've decided that I should go back to school and get a degree in something where I can work with people. It's also a great way to get out of Michigan, which I've wanted to do for quite some time. Maybe He has other plans for me, but once I head off to school I'll only be coming back to visit my parents and friends. I'm pretty excited about the opportunity to start life a new, although I'm kind of scared about it too.

I guess the reason I'm letting you know this is because it's pretty likely that you won't actually ever see me around again. I'm writing to different people and thanking them for the different ways that they've helped me, and you are kind of on that list.

I sent you a letter last December in a big pink envelope, but I'm not sure you got it. If you did then you are off the list. If you didn't then there were a few things I wanted to say so I'll put them in here.

I really just want to thank you and your family for the way they treated me from the first time we met in person all the way until the last time I was at your house on Good Friday. I always felt very loved and I will never be able to tell you guys how much that meant to me. I really believe that God put you in my life because I needed that acceptance and that love at that time in my life. You know everything I was going through, but you have no idea how much hope you gave to me and how much your friendship helped me get through the toughest time in my life. I often feel like I never should have contacted you in the first place, but I don't regret it. You were an amazing friend and you were just what I needed at that point in my life. I would not be the person I am today without the love that you and your family showed me; I REALLY mean that. Thank you.

And please don't feel bad about any way that I was hurt by you. I feel that God allowed us to be good friends for as long as was good for both of us. After you and Kurt started dating, He had different plans for both of us. I was still attached to you as a friend, and it was painful to finally make that break earlier this year after I saw you for the last time. But it was necessary for me to go through, and I would go through it again if I had the choice. It was worth it to be friends with you for the time that we were.

Alright, thanks for reading this. You'll continue to be in my prayers, and assuming that you still want to get married I hope you find an awesome husband someday! Do know that you are more than welcome to email me or if you do happen to see me, you can come over and talk to me. Next time I see you (if ever) I'll go out of my way to at least say hello now that I know you're okay with that.

God bless you Joan, and thanks again for being such a great friend to me.

Your brother in Christ,
Jonathan