The Trouble With Love Is

The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn't care how fast you fall
And you can't refuse the call
See, you got no say at all

Every time I turn around
I think I've got it all figured out
My heart keeps callin'
and I keep on fallin'
Over and over again
This sad story always ends the same
Me standin' in the pourin' rain
It seems no matter what I do
It tears my heart in two

I'm crying right now and I hurt inside. That could also be a summary of my life, but that's what's going on right now. On the plus side, my one major attachment is going to begin to dissapear rather quickly.

God brings people into my life often and allows me to help them grow and change. I do get something out of the relationships as well but I usually become attached to these people, especially when they are girls and it always hurts when they are taken out of my life.

I went to Mass after writing my last post about Maria and I did a lot of praying about our friendship. I knew that I needed to let her go and that I shouldn't be entertaining any thoughts or feelings of there being anything between us, but I really didn't want to. I knew God was asking me to go down to Steubenville without any attachments but at the same time I really wanted to hold on to Maria.

She sent me a text message while I was at Mass asking me to call her when we had time to talk and I called right away. We talked for over an hour about our friendship and without me saying anything, she told me that she was going to stop entertaining the possibility of there being anything between us and that I would always be JUST her friend Jonathan down at Steubenville. She wanted me to be free to pursue other relationships down there and she didn't think it would be wise for either of us to hold onto the other.

I completely agreed with her, I'm glad we talked about it so openly, but it still hurts like hell.
I know if I held onto her it would have just brought more pain over time to my life, yet that always seems like a better solution than going through a lot of pain right now.

The one thing that consoles me is that Maria let me know that she's really been able to grow and mature over the summer while we've been friends. I'm thankful I could help her out but at the same time I'm getting sick of God pulling people out of my life when I get attached to them. I'm sick of loving people and ending up hurt because they don't love me back the same way. It seems to be the same story over and over again. I'm ready to find someone who loves me as much as I love them.

Things never would have worked out between us and I agree with her when she says that I deserve someone who will love me better and won't take me for granted, but that doesn't make it hurt any less now.